Week 7: Death- David Polanski

The only guarantee in life is that we are going to someday die. Death can come at any second and no matter what we can never fully plan for death or the effect it has on us afterward. We all have lost somebody in our life and it sucks. I wish I had some more elaborate explanation of how death is but it really just sucks. We fill up with all types of emotion and have a thousand questions we know will not be answered in this life. Although death can happen at any time or at any age; typically we die when we grow old. Our bodies start to decline and we eventually will pass. This cycle has been occurring since the dawn of time and will continue to happen until Christ's second coming. We don't want to die nor do we want our loved ones to die; it's human nature. However, what happens when we are faced with our first loss of a loved one. This has change for me throughout the years because I cannot help feel children respond differently to the loss of a loved one. Children are resilient. The first death I remember happening was my great uncle Frank in 1997; he was my grandma's brother. He lived in California and I would see him once a year when he would fly in to visit my grandma. My grandma was close with him and I would say she was the closest with him out of her siblings. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and moved back to Chicago to be with his family. I was 8-9 at this time and remember always going with my grandparents to visit him but not grasping the magnitude of what was happening. The only thing I remember was how sad my grandma was; I hated seeing my grandma sad. My uncle passed away briefly after his diagnosis and this was my first time seeing the affects it has on others.  

"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same relentless, the yawning....There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in."- C. S. Lewis 

Our book defines grief as, "the emotional response to the loss of another person, that includes feelings of anxiety, despair, sadness, and loneliness." This is the best way to put what grief truly is. After my uncles death, I saw a different side of my grandma. She lost all desire to live. Since my grandparents watched me after school I spent a lot of time at their house and for 2 years following his death my grandma spent most of her time in bed just existing. I referenced C.S. Lewis because his depiction of grief is uncanny. When someone we know loses a loved one we try our best to comfort them. We say things like, "I'm sorry", "is there anything I can do?", or "They're in a better place". I remember drawing pictures for my gram, cleaning the house, or making her a snack and nothing seem to work. I remember hearing my mom use the terms 'anxiety' and 'depression' to describe my gram and I never knew they were all related. My gram just did not want to take any of it in at the time because she simply was not ready. I always viewed my gram as the toughest lady ever and I would still argue that. As I mentioned before that we all respond differently to losing a loved one, this was my gram's way of coping. She needed a significant amount of time to grieve because this was the first sibling she lost and I feel it put her life in perspective of living.  

As I got older, I had 2 significant deaths that made me grasp the importance of losing a loved one; my grandfather and my aunt. I was 22 when I lost both of them and the impact it made in my family is still rippling today. To me losing a loved one is the 2nd hardest part of life; the first is watching your family grieve.  

Lastly, in 2013 my cousin was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer and was given 6 months to live. He kicked cancer ass for four long years and lost his battle earlier this January at the age of 45. He gave it his all but in the end just couldn't go on to fight anymore. However, during these four years I was able to be there for certain stages of his battle. Hearing you are going to die is one of the worst things you can hear because now you have time to reflect on it. A lot of emotions and thoughts must be running through your mind 24/7.  

Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross developed the following 5-stages of grief (288): 

1. Denial 

2. Anger 

3. Bargaining 

4. Depression 

5. Acceptance  

I saw the progression of these stages as he fought his battle and there is just nothing worse than it. We want to keep living, that is why we go through these stages; it's our fight or flight response. He dealt with the first four with trials and tribulations but honestly, this is natural. We don’t want to die, no use for talking about the negatives that come with death because he has passed on. Acceptance is the last and it is the hardest for family to cope with because we know what is expected to happen next. The last time I saw him was at a party we had for him one week before his death and he was in the same spirit we always knew him to be. He was ready. We can never be sure how to handle a death, knowing you're going to die, or what to say to someone who lost a loved one. However, as a Christian I know we can have faith. This life is temporary and we know someday it will all be over but as for the time being we must show love, compassion, sympathy for anyone dealing with grief.